Ted's Polish-Mexican Page

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New joke making the rounds in the Old Pueblo music scene:

How many members of Beta Sweat does it take to change a light bulb?

One, plus the entire staff of the Tucson Weekly to tell them how brilliant they are.

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One of the things that makes following soccer so much more fun than following other sports is that there are owners out there that are just plain whack. In most of our traditional American sports, the owners are button downed CEOs. Some are egomaniacs, but for the most part, they are just boring rich guys. Heck, a overgrown frat boy like Mark Cuban is considered "edgy" even though he is just an asshole.

I'd like to introduce you to Vladimir Romanov, owner of the Scotish team Hearts of Midlothian. Hearts let go of Steven "The Big Elvis" Pressley, a player popular with the press, last season. They have been writing critical things about the decision to let him go, and Romanov responded by...handing out bananas to the reporters. I don't get it either.


I was sick today, so I could watch the CONCACAF Champions Cup match between DC United and CD Olimpia. I hate rooting for DC United. With Freddy Adu and Alecko Eskandarian gone, it was a lot easier though.

I have to hand it to DC United, they have gone incredibly far given the fact that their defense sucks. CD Olimpia's goal was the result of a poor clearance. Actually, "clearance" may be a strong word, since the ball fell right to the feet of Olimpia's Wilfredo Barahona, who found a fellow leon who scored a goal out of it. The defense was a mess for most of the game, but somehow Olimpia wasn't able to score. I couldn't tell if this was the brilliance of Troy Perkins or just that the Olimpia's forwards were just not making good shots.

This is regarded as a "new" Olimpia squad, with five of last season's players being released. Interestingly, one of these was Luciano Emilio who now plays for...DC United. I know that Emilio scoring a goal in his old home stadium is ironic because Fox commentator Christian Miles kept telling me so.

CD Olimpia is the most storried team in Honduras. They are regular entrants in the Champions Cup and have won it on two occasions. In addition to Emilio, one other of their former players has played in MLS, Alex Pineda Chacón.

This Emilio, I saw the goal. I am afraid of this man. Very, very afraid.


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I got an e-mail through my other blog from former Tucsonan the former Julia Mueller and her husband Chris. They have a pretty good blog called Stumbling the Walk, check it out.

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Well, the Saddletramps lost a hard fought final against Rat City. TRD's jammers were unable to solve Rat City's defense. There were a couple of good jams, but the lead that Rat City built up early on made it difficult to catch up. Our tramps did us proud, however, fighting until the very end.

Rat City was a team that counted heavilly on what Rob Stone would call "professional fouls." In the third period, when the Saddletramps were able to build slight leads, they would knock down our jammers and eat the penalty. The big irony was that Rat City fans and skaters complained all weekend about the number of fouls called against their team. A team that plays like they do will get fouls called against them, that's the way it is. Despite this supposed referee conspiracy against them, they managed to go through the weekend without losing a single game.

Rat City's complaints led to one clever sign against referee Endless Justin: "Endless Bad Calls."

I have to give Rat City props for beating two of the best teams in the country, Tucson and Texas. Still ticks me off though.


Kevin Smith's Rock'n'Roller Blog had the best comment about Rat City's mascot, Rat Man Houllahan:

Rat City has to have one of the most annoying mascots of all time. Some greasy dude in a mechanic’s jumpsuit with tons of silver chains on and his zipper down to his stomach.

Okay, this year's all-name squad. Some of these are repeats from last year, so what?

• Axl Blows Rose City Rollers


• Babe Ruthless Tent City Terrors


• Bettie Rage Texecutioners


• Brat Benatar Slamazons


• Cheap Trixie Texecutioners


• Cheatin’ Chong Dallas Derby Devils


• Dominant Jean Kansas City Roller Warriors


• Eli Wallup Saddletramps


• Hoot’n Annie Saddletramps


• Jen Entonic Texecutioners


• Jowanna Asskickin’ Rat City Roller Girls


• June Carter Crash Dallas Derby Devils


• Katarina Whip Rat City Roller Girls


• Liberty Valenzuela Saddletramps


• Motley Cruz B.A.D. Girls


• Pia Mess Rat City Roller Girls


• Shawna th’ Dead Neanderdolls


• Sheriff Shutyerpaio Tent City Terrors

March 17th will feature Furious Truckstop Waitresses v. Iron Curtain. I don't stay bummed for long.


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In what was the biggest upset so far of the tournament, the Kansas City Roller Warriors defeated the third seeded Tent City Terrors of Arizona Roller Derby.

The match was back and forth in the first period, with Kansas City unable to get a solid lead. They soon were able to build up a decent lead, with fan favorite Snot Rocket finding openings and pile up points. By the end of the first period, Kansas City had a 34 to 28 lead.

Arizona kept themselves in it, coming back in the third period but made some grave strategic errors by trying to kill the game when they had small leads rather than trying to build a larger lead. Near the end of the bout, they had a one point lead and when Denise Lightning got lead jammer status she called off the jam instead of capturing a sure four or five points off of that jam.

The final jam was delayed for a bit while the referees, again, had a conference. Kansas City had a slim five point lead and there was enough time for Arizona to score enough points to win or tie it. But Arizona jammer Denise Lightning was called out of the jam for a penalty before the whistle was blown, and her team had to skate the final jam with no way to score any points.

So in the end, the attempt to burn off clock time is what killed them. I could understand doing such a thing with a larger lead, but with a slim lead against a team like Kansas City (who have a jammer that scorred 19 points in a single jam just the day before) it was just plain silly. For a long time, Arizona Roller Derby was so much stronger than the rest of the teams in the country and could get away with these kind of tactics, but they can't now that the rest of the field has gotten so good.

I only managed to catch a piece of the Dallas Derby Devils v Kansas City Roller Warriors, but I saw the entirety of Rocky Mountain Rollergirls v Duke City Derby.

Those that saw Kansas City last year were impressed with their speed, jammer Snot Rocket scoring fifteen points on a single jam in one match last year. She outdid herself this year, scoring nineteen points on one jam in their 140 to 61 win over Dallas.


The smart money was on a tight match between Duke City's Muñecas Muertas and the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls. The last time these two teams met, Duke City won a squeaker of a match, 108 to 91. Although Duke City seemed to get a majority of lead jammers, Rocky Mountain was able to move the pack quickly enough to keep them from scoring. The leads went back and forth, and the period ended, appropriately, 30 to 30.

Duke City used their break to change strategy. I turned to Iron Curtain megafan Che and said, "Duke City is going to build a huge lead at the end of this period and never look back." Che told me that it was going to continue back and forth. I thought that the strategy changes indicated that they could learn from their mistakes. Sure enough, they were able to better use their lead jams and pile up the points. Their best jammer was Kamikaze Kim, who got knocked down an awful lot (the number of penalties called was astounding) but never stayed down for long. The period ended with the Muñecas having a 74 to 48 lead. Not insurmountable, but probably not the sort of deficit that Rocky Mountain imagined themselves going into the locker room with.

In the end Duke City won by an impressive 110 to 82. This was done over a more experienced team (Duke City's win over them back in September was their first victory ever), and was the only upset of a higher ranked team so far this tournament. This is the team to watch. In the next round, they are scheduled to play Tucson.


The other winners were seventh seed Sin City in a squeaker over tenth seed Rose City and Bay Area Roller Girls (including former Iron Curtainista Mandi Festo) demolishing Pikes Peak Derby Dames 198 to 15.


Today's action brings in the top four seeds, the top ranked Austin-based Texas Roller Girls facing Sin City, Seattle's Rat City Rollergirls versus Bay Area, Phoenix's Arizona Roller Derby against Kansas City and our own Tucson Roller Derby Saddletramps against Duke City. All of us long time Tucsonans can think back to those 1970's Toros versus Dukes games, 'cept with better uniforms and Bill Richardson will not be pitching.


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This year's Dust Devil tournament starts tomorrow, with twelve teams from all over the Western United States. This makes it a less elaborate affair than last year's 20 team tournament that included teams from across the country. Since the TRD is a volunteer organization, I'm sure those involved are happy to have a slightly less complicated affair. The Women's Flat Track Roller Derby Association has declared the Dust Devil the official tournament of the Western Conference rather than a national tournament.

What, no Val Capone?


Tommorrow's action features some newer and lower ranked teams, with the top three teams from last year's tournament Texas, Arizona and Tucson, having byes. Saturday will feature the first games from those three teams plus Seattle's Rat City Roller Girls, who came in fifth in last year's tourney. (Minnesota was the fourth place team, but ain't on our side of the 100th meridian. Probably for the best too, since their play in the final rounds caused them to be hated by fans and skaters alike. They do have the best logo though.)


The match I hope to see is at 6:00, when Dallas takes on Kansas City. Kansas City was impressive at last year's tournament and became a fan favorite.


By the way, other Dallas league, Assassination City, is not participating this year. I don't know if this is in any way related, but one of their skaters, Michelle Metzinger, who skates under the name Muff Thumper, is pursuing an excessive force complaint after an incident stemming from when she was cited either for jawywalking or public drunkeness (depends who you ask) on a sidewalk in Dallas. You can find out more at helpmichelle.org, and you can even buy a "Don't Thump Our Muff" T-shirt.


The seedings are set up for a possible rematch between Tucson and Arizona in the semi-finals (-yawn- we just did that), but a Tucson vs Texas match would only be possible in the final. Remember that Tucson pulled a huge upset only two months ago when they beat top ranked Texas in their own house. They gotta remember that they lost the Alamo too.


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Monday, Telemundo premiered a telenovela called Zorro: La Espada y La Rosa. It is being aired every night this week at 8:00 PM and again at 10:35 PM.

So far I like it, but being me, I have a couple of gripes. One is that the music occasionally gets so overwelming that it is hard to hear the dialogue. Being that my Spanish is so shaky, I probably shouldn't complain about this too much. The series website shows the actors being trained in fencing, but so far, the fencing has been of the "each soldier runs up to Zorro in turn, Zorro disarms soldier" variety. But hey, why the heck should I complain? Marlene Favela is in nearly every scene as the villain's youngest sister, Esmeralda Sanchez.

The telenovela is based on Isabel Allende's 2005 novel rather than Johnston McCauley's Curse of Capistrano, published way back in 1919.

The theme song is called "Amor Gitana" and is sung by Alejandro Fernandez and...wait for it...

Beyonce.

Yes, I said that right. She can sing in Spanish, who knew?

Anyway, my brother is having me tape all the episodes for him because apparently Phoenix doesn't allow Spanish language television or something.


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I found this video of R.E.M. playing on Sesame Street with several monsters, including that two headed purple one. I don't see Harry, the big blue monster. There is, however, a Kate Pierson muppet, but I don't see a Bill Berry replacement muppet.

The song is based off of "Shiny Happy People," which seems to be everyone's least favorite R.E.M. song.



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Every morning, our local NPR station plays the "Marketplace Minute," which is a quick distillation of the news from the program Marketplace aired the previous afternoon. This morning they played the news that Yes keyboardist Rick Wakeman has aligned with a russian tycoon to buy a British sports car maker.

After the story, they played Yes's biggest hit, "Owner of a Lonely Heart." But, Wakeman didn't play on that song. Everybody knows that it was Tony Kaye. What is up with these people?


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Last night's show opened with Hell on Heels, a new band (well, new to me), that includes Helene 33 of the Okmoniks. 33's Farfisa-style keyboard work adds a bit of that garagey-psychadelia to the music reminiscent of that band, but Hell on Heels are a lot harder edged.


Next up was the always excellent Mission Creeps.
On the surface, the Mission Creeps are a Cramps inspired rockabilly band, but they move in a couple of other directions too. The sound is a lot denser, including keyboards, harmonica (played by a woman who looked like Jan Lesher) and, yes, accordions. Oh yeah...and theremin. Theremin, even more necessary than cowbell.

The show closed with The Beta Sweat, possibly the best rock band in Tucson right now. Will someone please sign these people?

Naw, some jerk A&R man will just tart them up and ruin everything.



I missed out on the Battle of the Bands, but I heard good things about the Thesis. James Hudson, mayordomo of TucsonScene, is telling people that they sound like a young version of Calexico. I dunno though, they look like they smile once in a while.

Audio samples of all of the finalists can be found at the AZNightBuzz page.


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This illustration appeared on the Mexican fútbol website Medio Tiempo. Also on that site: Hugo Sánchez seemed to justify Oswaldo Sánchez's attack on Eddie Johnson shortly after Landon Donovan scored against him. Mexican National Team official Guillermo Cantú said that the team needs to change it's attitude, but also refused to condemn Sánchez's behavior. Over on SportsYA, Atlante FC coach José Guadalupe "El Profe" Cruz said that it was time to face up to the fact the Mexicans are no longer the giants of North America.


Over on Big Soccer, über-fan Dan Loney has a suggestion for the next conversation between a US player and Oswaldo Sánchez:

Our mothers are fine, how's your father?

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