Ted's Polish-Mexican Page

Can you be called a "former" anything when you only had the job two weeks ago?

Well, Former National Team Coach Bruce Arena has now been named coach of the New York Red Bulls, or Red Bull New York...I haven't figured out which one I am supposed to call them. It was so much easier with their old name. I just called them "those jackasses."


Can Arena make them a winning team? Despite the knock against the team, they actually had two winning seasons. That's right...two out of ten. Way to go!

They haven't won anything though, no MLS Cups, no Open Cups, no Supporter's Shields. When they make the playoffs, they crash out in the first round.


Their poor performance has been despite being given break after break by the league.

For example, only three world cup winners have played in MLS (Youri Djorkaeff, Branco and Lothar Matthäus), and all were mysteriously allocated to the New York team. The team has also included international greats like Roberto Donadoni, and when speculation hit that Zinédine Zidane and David Beckham may play in MLS, guess which team they talk about them going to?

Interestingly, Donadoni couldn't lead the team to anything above mediocrity. He then returned to Italy to help AC Milan to a Serie A championship.

They have also had big US stars, most notably Tab Ramos and Tony Meola. Ramos notoriously underperformed for the team. In this year's draft, the first pick was going to be Marvell Wynne, everyone knew it. Strangely, a last minute trade was made so the newly rechristened Red Bull New York could pick him.

They have had some fantastic coaches too. Their first was former New York Cosmos coach Eddie Firmani. Carlos Alberto Parreira managed to win a World Cup, but couldn't lead this group of otherwise decent players to a winning record. International coaches like Carlos Quieroz and Bora Milutinović couldn't do it either. In fact, Milutinović led the team to the worst record of any non-expansion MLS squad, ever.

So what is the deal? No matter who they have playing, who they have coaching (Arena is #11), or what they call themselves (three names so far!) they suck. What is up with that?


At least Kenny Arena can finally get that start. Oh wait, he got traded to Arena's old team, DC United, and dropped from sight.


Revs fans, of course, are already awaiting the moment when Taylor Twellman, rejected by Arena for the World Cup squad, puts two or three in against the Red Bulls. They play them two more times this year.

Sam's Army had a song for Arena called "We Are Part of Bruce's Army." Already, Ed Lova has rewritten the song:

We're no longer part of Bruce's Army
and we'll beat him for the league
it'll really shake him up
when Taylor lifts the cup
cos New England has the greatest football team

This was one written by fans after we tanked in the World Cup:

We're not part of Bruce's Army
We're all leaving Germany
Cause we really stunk it up
At the fuc**n World Cup
And we're all going home in a week

Any word on whether Arena will try the 4-4-1 formation here? That one actually works in MLS once in a while. Especially when your star players are awake.

He will actually not start coaching until August. Will they be so far down in the standings by then that he won't be able to get them in the playoffs?


By the way, one press release noted that Arena has one cap, a game against Israel over thirty years ago that the US lost 2-0.


Hasta la proxima. Do zobaczenia.