Ted's Polish-Mexican Page

Fanta has always been that soda that you drink because there is nothing else around. I think that after all these years, they finally want to change that. I have never seen a commercial for Fanta, until today.

The ad features stereotypically Latin style music with the lyrics, "Wanta Fanta" sung by the Fantanas. Each Fantana is played by some random model; each is affiliated with a different flavor of Fanta. For example, Kiki likes orange, and wears some sort of orange outfit. Sophia loves grape, and looks like a technicolor bond girl. They stayed away from the possibly problematic black cherry. If you visit the website, you will find that they each have a story that makes a Playboy "Playmate Data Sheet" look like an incisive James McPherson biography. For example, here is one from Lola, the yellow-clad cross between a school crossing guard and a go-go girl:

Capri sometimes teases Lola about having her head in the books too much. But for Lola, reading, writing and coding are fun. The funny thing, once she's on and starts to sing, she transforms into an entirely different person.

The site is available in Spanish and English, which tells me I'll catch a more obnoxious version of this ad during half-time at a Cruz Azul - Atlante match. Thank God the season is over.

In a couple of years, one of these gals, only one, will have a career in either acting or singing. I put my money on Capri, the least plastic looking of the bunch, or Lola, who could fix her hair and look a little less phony. Whoever it is, some interviewer will bring up these ads and really irritate her.

I'm sure that Slate will eventually do a story on these commercials, I'll post a link when they do.

Neko Case is playing tommorrow night at Hotel Congress. I think she may play that one song...you know, with the guitar and lyrics.

'Nuff said.

And remember to freep Cani's blog.

REMEMBER: Freep Cani's Blog!

I was at Surly Wench for a bit last night. I saw a band from San Francisco there named Giant Haystack. Thankfully, they were a cut above who I have seen there lately. I'd post a link to them here, but I can't seem to find one. I also couldn't find a entry on them on All Music Guide. How far down on the food chain does one have to be for that? Anyway, they were a prog-rock band. Think Belew-Era King Crimson. Actually, I've seen a couple of prog-rock bands lately, mostly sounding like either Rush or Dream Theater. Is there a movement no one has told me about?

They were technically good. The first bit was just the guitarist playing solo, but as he played some machine was sampling his riffs so he could accompany himself. Robert Fripp used to do this with some device he patented called "Frippertronics." I'm sure that its done digitally now and is no big deal. The one thing that I found goofy, which seems to be the problem with many bands, is the over-amplification. Maybe I'm getting old, but you are playing at a bar, do you really need a Marshall Half-Stack? I could see that stuff in a large club, but in a bar?

I think I promised that I would comment on the Chivas USA - Galaxy "Superclassico". As I've said before, it is not a "superclassico" until Chivas USA provides some competition. One interesting part, however, was that Los Angeles Mayor-Elect Antonio Villaraigosa did the first kick. I love the guy, but geez. First of all, he wore a Chivas USA jersey. So, he was taking sides against another team from his own city! This would be like Janet Napolitano showing up at a U of A/ASU game with a shirt that said "I bleed red and blue." A reporter asked the Mayor-Elect if it was proper to take sides like this, he said "Chivas invited me, when the Galaxy invites me to their stadium, I'll wear their jersey." Um, Antonio, they play in the same stadium. Not only that, he did the thing that politicians seem to do when they are supposed to wear someone's shirt. He wore it over his shirt and tie. Note to everyone: this always looks silly. He told a reporter that he never played soccer. This showed when he totally toed the ball to one of the Chivas players.

Bear in mind...I still love the guy. If for no other reason, he seems to have the right enemies.

I so hoped it wouldn't come to this, but it is a dire emergency. Tony Cani's blog, Fear Itself, has a survey for "Best Blog, Besides Tony's." I was number one, but now I am in danger of losing the top spot to "Tom Reade's Mom", which is not even a blog.

So, my legions of adoring fans have to visit Tony's blog and vote for my site. Please, save me from the indignity of coming in second to no blog whatsoever.

Thank you.

I went to a party last night at the home of Furious Truckstop Waitresses' Sloppy Flo. Yeah, I know her real name, but what fun is that? Other guests included FTW's Sassy Sue, Ruby Hellcat and Elbow Bomb, as well as Iron Curtain's Berlin Wall and Knuckles Sandovich. Referee Track Daddy was there as well. Wow...this is like a Lloyd Grove gossip column. We checked, and I am slightly taller than Elbow Bomb, but she doesn't want to admit it. Best part...Sloppy Flo's wonderfully reckless and freaky dancing. If you ever need to see this, pop on a soundtrack to a Bollywood wedding movie.

The USA lost 1-2 to England. S'ok. We still have Yorktown, and that's what counts. The US goal was scored by Clint Dempsey. In addition to my being happy about a Rev scoring, I also laugh because the pretty boys that the soccer press loves couldn't produce, but the son of a sharecropper from Nagadoches could. Yes, Mr. Trevino, he's from Texas.
The Revs only managed a tie against the Colorado Rapids. The upside is that they are still undefeated, and unscored on at home. Colorado player Guy Melamed was ejected late in the game, but this just made Colorado play more defensively. Both teams were missing their best players, and were rather listless for most of the game. Of course, when you haven't lost all season, you can afford listless once in a while (in fact, its understandable). Imagine, I am actually disappointed by a draw. In past seasons, I would have been happy with one.

Later on, I'll post my thoughts on the "LA Derby." Spolier alert: Chivas USA got spanked. I know, big shock.

I've lived at this condo for about a year. Here's something new I found out yesterday: the streets flood in this neghborhood. They flood real bad. I had to drive out for a bit. I got out there and thought to myself...do the new Beetles float like the old Beetles? I realized I didn't know. I could have been flooded out and had all my neighbors laugh at me.

Like most areas of Tucson, people drive the same way they do as when there is a dry road. Then, they get pissed at you when you want to go slow. Everyone sucks 'cept me. Oh, and you, my loyal readers, of course.

Hasta luego, do zobaczenia.

For those of you who don't know, I work for an agency called SER that is contracted to staff the Las Artes and Youthbuild programs in South Tucson. I work closely with students in both programs. All of them are young people who for one reason or another did not complete high school. In the Las Artes program, students work on their GEDs while working on public art projects. Recently, a group in Phoenix has modeled a program after ours. In the Youthbuild program, students work towards their GEDs while working as apprentice carpenters. They end up making more money than me. By the way, the legislation that created the Youthbuild program was initiated by a guy named John Kerry. Maybe you've heard of him.

Yesterday, we graduated another group of students. They've been through an awful lot, and then we make them do four years of high school in about eight weeks. So, I'm giving you their names as a small bit of recognition for their achievement.

• Linda Acosta
• Mursal Ali
• Robert Alvarez
• Nicholas C. Baron
• Natalie Baron
• Mark Boddie
• Corina Bracamonte
• Cheryl Bravebird
• Luis Chavez
• Angelica Daniel
• Careessa Fidler
• Daniella Garcia
• Mark Anthony Herber
• Arturo Hernandez
• Denise Hernandez
• Monique Hernandez
• Valirie Le
• Bianca J. Marquez
• Nicholas Marquez
• Hussein Mberwa
• Alexis Munguia
• Heidi Palmer
• Luis Parra
• Suzanne Peña
• Joaquin Perez
• Alvaro Portillo
• Isaac Sanchez
• Monique Urrea
• Lisette Verdugo
• Andrew Wilhite
  

Team	GP	W	L	T	PTS	GF	GA	+/-
New England Revolution	8	6	0	2	20	18	7	11
FC Dallas	9	5	1	3	18	18	10	8
Los Angeles Galaxy	8	5	2	1	16	14	10	4
San Jose Earthquakes	9	3	2	4	13	14	13	1
Chicago Fire	9	4	4	1	13	9	13	-4
Kansas City Wizards	8	3	2	3	12	17	13	4
D.C. United	8	3	3	2	11	12	10	2
Real Salt Lake	9	3	4	2	11	8	12	-4
Columbus Crew	9	3	5	1	10	7	14	-7
MetroStars	8	2	3	3	9	10	8	2
Colorado Rapids	10	2	7	1	7	11	16	-5
Club Deportivo Chivas USA	9	1	7	1	4	9	21	-12

The Revs play the Colorado Rapids today. Former Tucson Amigos standout Pablo Mastroeni is injured and will not be playing for the Rapids. That and recent trades leave them depleted, but Fernando Clavijo claims it will just take them time to gel. Well, he hasn't said that yet, but Rev fans know he will eventually. Steve Nicol, who should be played by William Petersen in a movie, is in all likelyhood amped by Liverpool's victory over AC Milan. They haven't done that well since, uh, since he played for them! Maybe in some weird way, it will help. Or, the Revs could just win because Colorado sucks this year.

In other action, the Chivas and Galaxy play a "Los Angeles Derby" today. Note to Chivas: for it to be a rivalry, you may need to give your opponent some actual competition.

NPR's Only a Game did a story on a roller derby league in Providence. It comes on really early out here, but derby fans may want to check it out on their home page. They teased the story by saying "Skirts, skates and fisticuffs..." Here I was half hoping they would do an interview with our Fisti Cuffs. -sigh-

They talked to a gal named Rhoda Perdition. She is Irish, and originally wanted the name Erin Gobraless. Brilliant, but her teammates decided it was too slutty for derby. Note to TRD gals of Irish descent: this name is available!

The weather is conspiring against me. It has been hot as hell...so I was looking forward to driving out to a swimming hole somewhere for a dip. Now...its raining. What is up with that?

Anyway...this post has gotten too damn long. Y'all have a great day.

I saw yet another Kentucky Fried Chicken ad with the song Sweet Home Alabama. I can't really figure out why they would use a song with the word "Alabama" to advertise Kentucky Fried Chicken. Also, given the song is about what a great guy George Wallace was, I wonder if this means that they don't want people like me buying their product.
This led me to think of other inappropriate songs used in commercials. Such as...
Born in the USA - Ronald Reagan's campaign wanted to use this song durring his re-election. Obviously, they didn't bother listening to the lyrics about alienation and unemployment. Springsteen said no. In the 1990's, New Jersey Governor Jim Florio wanted to use Born to Run as a state song. I think Larry Miller said it best when he said, "not too many state songs mention suicide in the first verse."
In the Navy - The Navy actually wanted to use this as a recruiting song. Once again, no one listened to the lyrics.
What Do I Get? - I knew I was officially old when this punk anthem was used to sell the Rav 4. It was a good indication that Gen Xers were now in charge, although the occasional Mamas and the Papas song still creeps into ads. Of course, the song is about a guy who can't get laid. Not exactly the way to sell a tough, manly vehicle.
Lust for Life - Just after Trainspotting came out, this song was on, I think, every commercial. Now, it is used on the ads for Carnival Cruise lines. The song is about heroin addiction. Way to go!
Billie Jean - Back when Michael Jackson was still black, he did a Pepsi ad. He changed the chorus of his monster hit to "We're the Pepsi Generation." I wonder if the folks at Pepsi knew that their new theme was based on a song about a paternity suit?
Sixteen Tons - The song is about the plight of a coal miner who no matter how hard he works, he will never be out of debt and the company will always own him. So, GE (who, in addition to being a big time manufacturer, are also in the credit buisiness) makes the song into an ad about how great coal mining is these days. The ad is complete with hotties with dirt on them.

If any of you have more examples, feel free to post them. This blog is only as good as your posts!
Way to remove any responsibility from myself, eh?

Today is Andre 3000's birthday. Everyone sing...

I read in the Arizona Daily Star yesterday that the Department of Public Safety will start cracking down on people who discard their cigarettes out of the windows of cars. I know this doesn't seem like a huge issue, but with our ongoing drought, why would we let people toss an ignition source onto dry brush?
This also gets into an issue I have with smokers in general. If you want to make your breath smell like furniture adhesive and your teeth the color of rotten corn, I guess that's your business, but what amazes me is the lack of care people take with their discarded cigarettes. People who are otherwise decent folks just toss them on the ground, even if an ashtray is a few feet away. There is an ashtray in just about evey car, but the butt goes out the window. When I was at the U, the Student Union banned smoking in the Cellar not out of health concerns, but because smokers were putting out their cigarettes in the furniture rather than in the ashtrays. Why does common courtesey go away when someone lights up? This stuff bugs me way more than having to breathe smoke.
But...on to soccer news: There are evidently problems with the Golden Child. Freddy Adu is apparently causing trouble in the locker room. I like the guy, but I wondered when this would happen. Freddy is paid more than any other player, all of whom are much older and some have some rather impressive championships. Yet, he is the first one to fall when he gets bumped, he is the first to whine about playing time. Geez. The guy is damn good...almost as good as I was at his age (until I woke up...). I hope he does some growing up so he can actually be the next Pele.
My friend Brittany complained about the last incarnation of my page not including her. She's got a blog now. Nothing up on there yet, but I'm sure there will be soon.

Well...he's gone and done it, again. Former Inter Milan, Salernitana, Savona, Sambenedettese, Padova and New England Revolution Goal Keeper Walter Zenga has tied the knot. He has married a woman named Raluka Rebedea. I have no idea who this woman is; all the pages I can find about her are in Romanian. Judging by her looks, I'm sure she is a model, actress or some combination thereof. Also, model/actresses seem to be the only kind of woman Zenga hangs with. One of his exes was a woman named Hoara Borselli. I think he got tired of his friends saying, "Hoara? Did you have to pay her? Haw haw haw!"
Zenga was recently relieved of his coaching duties with Steaua Bucarest. Those of us who saw his coaching style in New England wonder why it took so long. I think Brian Glanville said it best when he said that he couldn't think of any player less suited for coaching except for Paul Gascoigne. I liked the guy though. I saw a game in 1999, when the 40 year old Zenga was "player/coach." I drove out to LA to see the Revs, and the Ultras let me sit in their fan section, right behind the goal. Zenga took up his position. I shouted "Zenga! Zenga!" He turned and I showed him my Revolution scarf. He gave a tentative wave. Then, the Ultra sitting next to me shouted "Zenga! Zenga! Zenga you sock! Zenga you sock!"
My favorite Zenga quote is from an interview he did with Sports Illustrated when he coached the Revs. It was about the difference between Italy and the USA, particularly our sexual harrassment laws. "In Italy, you can get stupid with a girl, in America, you get stupid with a girl, and you go broke."
In other 'keeper news, I kept reading on Big Soccer how once Martin Zuniga would return to the Chivas USA line up, they would start kicking ass. Well, poor, put upon Brad Guzan was scored on an average of twice a game. Zuniga was in for the game against FC Dallas and was scored on five times. Well...that certainly proves it. Chivas USA is gonna show all those MLS Clubs how to play the game.
By the way, Zenga was known as "Il Humo Ragno", spider man, and Zuniga is known as "El Pulpo", the octopus. I like the name "octopus", but "El Pulpo" just sounds icky.

For some bizarre reason, this blog was down for a bit tonight. Everything is back to normal now...

I'm watching SVU...only because I have a thing for Mariska Hargitay and Diane Neal. So, if you were in charge of that unit, would you really send Fin and Munch to go talk to an army colonel? Doesn't seem too bright.

Wow...the intellectual discourse on this site is at a high level.

Actually, I'm watching SVU also because its sweeps week. I have started watching Blind Justice. There used to be a series of movies in the 1930's about a detective named Duncan McClain, they are awesome. The show...well...we'll give it a chance. Of course, since it's sweeps week, we get a two hour special on Rob and Amber's weding. This is the crap they show to help ratings? Geez.

And Veronica Mars wasn't on tonight because they had to show Britney and Kevin: Chaotic. God help us.

So...we need to start a movement here. I took calculus at Pima College West Campus and had to, of course, buy a book. The book would have been $160 new, or $120 used. Luckily, I went to a place called Scholar's Dollars on Speedway and only paid $80. Now, I'm taking another calculus class at Downtown Campus, and it's a different book. I'm told that East Campus uses yet another book.

The assumption is that Pima Students attend one campus, so if different campuses use different books, it isn't a problem. Yes, they stay on one campus if they don't have full time jobs and have some extra flexibility with their schedule. The class I'm taking now is not offered on West Campus at a time that fits into my full-time work schedule. Because of cases like this, students will often switch campuses. How hard can it be for Pima to have standardized books for all of its campuses?

In other news: saw a band called Rancid Vat on Saturday. They are, by far, the worst band I have ever seen. And that includes one-joke local bands like Zapruder's Mother. (Am I the only one that remembers them?) If more people hear them, they could replace the Shaggs for the title of "least talented band of all time."

I read on All Music Guide that they have been together since 1981. Hmm...you'd think that by now they would learn to tune their instruments and stuff. They played a song that, I think, was a cover of Alice Cooper's "Eighteen." If it was, they screwed it up. How do you screw up an Alice Cooper song?

Okay...I've gone ahead and changed some things around...welcome aboard all of you...

Not sure what all to write tonight. Any suggestions?

Didn't think so.

So...this is a blog...eh?

Not too much for me to report today...just signing on before I go to class. I will find plenty of fun stuff to do on here before I am through!

Do zobaczenia, hasta la proxima.

PS- Yes...I need to fix the flags...give me some time.